An unsespected resurection

Life is really funny. Just when I thought that I got a hold of my existence and of the life itself, it pulled me back to reality. reminding me that the control I am bragging about is only an illusion.

I thought I had made it, I took the turn that will change it all. Make it all go away. I though that i had forgotten what was...that I was over it...But, oh! How shocking it was to realise that all the memories I had "buried" and moaned over are still alive. waiting behind the curtain for the...I was going to say the perfect moment, but it was not. How can it be more perfect than the birth of my child? How can it take me away from my family? from enjoying my new baby.

Despite it all, I have to admit that I am glad to see him again but I cannot stop thinking...I wonder why? Why did you come back, resurface now? And how did I forget about the heartache?

Is it a sign that times are about to change? Is it you who found me or is it me, who found whom? Oh, well! We will see...Times will tell.

Passivité, passivité quand tu nous prends

Do you know what I am talking about? Have you ever been left behind by your own existence, put aside a as spectator?
That is what is happening to me these days, not sure why or how…when. I am no longer in control of my life, I see it unfold before me and I am just numb. I do not react to things and events that are happening. I am just sailing along…
Have you ever felt that way?

Ramadan Moubarak

A tout le monde, Ramadan Moubarak...sante, prosperite et paix dans le monde entier et pas d'exception. Arabe, Berber (Amazighi, if you like it better), Musulman, Juif...je ne sais quoi...je vous dis Bon Ramadan, bon karem wa mabrouk hada achahr.

The smaller picture

For big dreams you always start with the small picture, and to change Morocco, we will have to start at a local level. Do not look just yet at the parliament, but vote and change things at your level once that is taken care of we will talk about the parliament. In fact at that point your claims should have reached the parliament and your government.

Start by cleaning your doorway…you clean your doorway, your neighbor can't help it but do the same and the next thing you know it is the whole neighborhood.

My dignity depends on your vote

Seems I was not clear … I do blame people (myself too) for what is not working in Morocco.
Looks like, with the upcoming elections, we are going back to our old habits again… the government did not do this, the government did not do that, why would I vote? My voice did not make a difference last time I voted, it won't change anything today. Tell you what, yes it will not change anything, for the simplest reason that you did not vote last time and you are denying yourself that right once again.
I just wanted to share with you- and you can quote me on this, NEITHER THE GOVERNMENT, NOR THE KING WILL CHANGE ANYTHING, we have to claim the change! We Moroccans have to start thinking and acting as citizens. Kick your representatives' butts, make them work … show them that you are no longer a subject but "un citoyens Marocains comme il se doit".
For a long time, we let ourselves be misled; the administration is the servant and not us. Remind the clerk who is giving you an attitude "au service des mines," that he/she was hired to serve you and that if it were not for you she/he would be still waiting at the temps agency… that will hopefully remind them who they are.
Don't give away your voice, VOTE. That is the only way for us to reclaim our BEAUTIFUL country.

Did not know it was going to be this hard

I am not sure why I am writing this, I am usually very private … I guess I am just fed up, can't take it anymore. Can't live with a man … no, no. How can I or how can any woman do that? Lord, they really are from a different planet; you can talk your heart out. You would still get nothing out of them.
I know, I know … why can't it be my mistake? I have issues, maybe. But how can I know if "my significant other" refuses to talk about it, communicate with me, tell me what is going on in his head, tell me what bothers him, or even that I bother him … anything for God's sake, but just communicate.
I am supposed to be in bed now, but I can't. I juts can't sleep, can't live like this, can't live knowing that I have something unresolved sitting there.

Have any suggestions for this lost soul? I am in the dark here, sailing blind

Des vertes et des pas mûres

I am not sure where to start. I am out of words; nothing would be enough to describe my confusion and how sad I am.
Most of my compatriots seem to think that, the attacks that befell on Algeria and Morocco are due to poverty, repression and lack of education. I am not sure what to think, to be honest.
Like Jihane said, if it were poverty then we would have had people blowing themselves a long time ago. And if it is due to the lack of education or oppression, then—I agree with Larbi, the whole African continent would be doing the same thing.

I guess what I am trying to say here, is that once again we are trying to find someone/something to blame. Our societies are manipulated, not really important to know who is behind this carnage. But it is primordial to do something about it.

Moroccans, Algerians, Tunisians and god knows who else…the fingers are pointed at you now. No, no way out. We have to act, speak up. Do something please! We are tolerant/open societies and ought to change the course of things. I hate for my country to be on the axe of evil list.

It does not matter if you think that their acts are somehow justified –although, it shocks me that some people do think this way—what is important now, is to unite behind a unified front against this plague. Speak to condemn but please keep your mouth shot if you feel that you are going to say something that could be used as justification or excuse these acts.

Condemnation is what is of order now. No explanations or analysis is needed.

Criez l'horreur, ne restez pas indifférents. Il est temps de réclamer nos pays et surtout notre religion.

Whatever that is, God is there!

Not really sure what I want to write about today. There is something that is bothering me but I am not sure what?

I have learned, not very long ago, that life is precious and most importantly, very short! So whenever I get into this state, I try to focus on things that I have in my life and for which I ought to thank God for. I try to remember every little thing that I have and that others do not. The first things I can think of now, is that 1) I am alive, 2) live in peace (as opposed to war, poverty and ...) and one very important thing I have people I can count on and god has never let me down.
Maybe silly, but it really helps me. The only problem is that sometimes, just like this time, I can't recreate that feeling of fulfillment or rather satisfaction. That is the key to moving along and leaving this depressive state. I have to find the right spot where I can be in peace with myself and with my environment.

May you never be in this state ever, I hate it passionately :)

Have some morrocanity in you

I was reading one of those Middle East report analysis about Morocco yesterday. The piece reviewed the years of the king Hassan II, and assesses the changes that occurred or are occurring now that his son is in power. Although very interesting, I am not sure if it is fair to blame everything that is not working in Morocco on the ruler.

Hassan II made mistakes, nobody can deny that. Mohammed VI maybe the savior, he is trying to heal Morocco from those "makhzanian" years, can't say! But what are we Moroccans doing? Waiting for the sky to open and send opportunities our way? I am not sure about the rest of the Moroccans but I believe that nothing is going to change In Morocco unless we Moroccans, the citizens change.

Living abroad, teaches you so many things and reveals so many things about you and about where you come from. And one of the unfortunate things that I have come to realize is that, we Moroccans hate our country. And no matter how much we are given, our country won't go anywhere. Why? Simple, we are selfish, opportunistic, narrow minded and we lack vision. We only shoot for the immediate result, never for the long and common benefit.

Go to Morocco, and walk down the streets of Casablanca, we have not been educated to respect our country or to love it. I look at Tunisians for instance, and I envy them. They love their country and they're willing to sacrifice their own liberties for the greater good of Tunisia. Nobody is perfect I know, but why don't we at least have the decency, at least for once, to blame ourselves for what is not working in Morocco. To try to make it right, work towards the benefit of the country that has given so much and quit pointing fingers.

Our rulers are but what we allow them to be. If they are despotic then we only have ourselves to blame. Our administration is gangrenous, but we can’t amputate it. We can heal it however; by applying certain principles…we need to be civilized to build a civilized environment.

The five things you do not know about me

Foullati, one of the very well respected Moroccan bloggers --Ahm, i am very special!-- Tagged some bloggers and she wants them to say five things about them that she, or/and others might not know about them. Although I do not know if there is anything else that you do not know about me? Wa Foullati you know all about me…except I guess.

1-I feel uncomfortable talking about myself, I do not know why but it feels to me as if I were bragging about myself.
2-I have a heart of a fly, in a sense that I can not handle emotional situations very well and can easily cry for the most trivial things-very annoying I admit, but it is very efficient in keeping my husband alert -. Can you imagine, I cry for a cartoons…I cried so much for Sally the little girl in the orphanage, for Majed the football player and I almost lost for the movie "champion"
3-I love hiking even though I have never done it  weird right? That is my nickname by the way, weird.
4-I hate to be told that I can't do this or that because I am a woman, --Oh, help me god, because I will kill whomever say that—And I will do it no matter how difficult it is, and thank god I have always succeeded.
5-I love god very, very much. I am not very religious nor am I perfect but hey I am trying, you know weak mind ;(

And one more thing just like you, i still believe that love exists, that dreams come true and that god is great.

I have just realised after having spoken to you that there something else...I hate it when I can not cheer a friend up.

Can we get tired of those we love?

It is a question that is really bodering me. Can you get tired of the person, country...anything you love?
Do you feel that you need a break from your own family, wife, husband, mother or community? Let me know...

Anyway, i did that test that Le Baroude has on his blog. I am :

Your results:
You are Robin

Robin 73% Green Lantern 70% Supergirl 68% Spider-Man 65% Wonder Woman 63% Superman 60% Hulk 50% Iron Man 45% Batman 40% The Flash 35% Catwoman 25%

Young and acrobatic. You don't mind stepping aside to give someone else glory.

Happy New Year!

I have been away for a while, but it is a new year, a new beginning if you will. I will do my best to keep my blog up to date and running. That is one of my resolutions for this New Year, which I hope will bring all of you happiness, prosperity and stability.

I am back and I am smoking…

I am happy, "Ya Rabi" I am, I really am happy…This is what I am talking about, being happy for no reason just be!

Here: cheers! http://kni.prz.rzeszow.pl/~peu/likeu.swf

Why is it so hard…

Am I asking too much or too little? What is it? Why is it not happening?

I just want peace; I want to look at the sky and be happy just for being able to see it. I want to appreciate getting up …lifting up my arm…setting at a table after a day of fasting…I want be happy for every minute I live, for every stupidity in my life.

I want to know what Fulfillment feels like, what we call in Moroccan dialect "Al qanaa".

I thought that I would acquire it, and that I just have to ask …didn't god tell me to ask and he will give. Well, then I am so ready for it…I want to be happy for being happy, happy for just the fact that I am alive. Why is it so hard?

God, am I offending just by asking all this, I know you are listening …so don't I deserve an answer? No, don't…don't let me down!

Plea of a Moroccan slave

As a woman in Morocco, I have always had problems adhering to the normality (or rather what is believed to be so) of my family and my society. I have always found it very appalling how women are treated. Just like second class specie, women's need in Morocco pass second after their men's; should that be the father, the brother or the husband. They just have to wait for leftovers.

No, no…this is regardless of the social class you are from. The discrimination differs from one another, true, but it still exists in all and every family. Some may have been very good in fooling themselves and think that they are emancipated and do not fit in this oppressed group anymore. Let me tell you I was one of them, until I got a visit from my father.

Well, I tell you what…I am stupid and the greatest fool of all time, yes I said it yes I did. I thought I won the battle and that I was a free gal, and that I, no longer, was the oppressed Moroccan slave (l'khdidima d' Sidi).

I have always refused to conform; I fought hard to make myself heard, unfortunately I just realized that my battle has not even begun.

So I was saying, my father is visiting these days and he is staying with me.

You know what the liberated women I am, is forced in doing everyday? Cook, clean and cater to three healthy sound men.

My battle is worth but hard to win, as the first people I would have to battle against are my family. Men in my family, heck…my family likes to think of itself as being a liberated family, not true.

I still have a long way to go.

Human nature

I hate dealing with people…you do not know what hurts them and what pleases them.
I do not know myself that well, so how am I supposed to know the other.

What don't they just hand you an instruction guide? I meet someone or even your relatives and friends and they tell you…here, this is a guide to my personality, the dos and don'ts. Won't it be easier?

I just hate it, you end up having to deal with a misunderstanding while you do not have time.

Is it really over?

I do not know why I am still hesitant in writing something about the ceasefire between Hezbollah and the Israeli's…maybe it is because I do not believe in it. I will wait few more days!

Jouer a l'Autruche.

Avant de faire le tour des blogs ce matin je ne vous cacherais pas que mon morale était a moins zéro a cause de ce qui se passé au Liban mais surtout a cause de mon incapacité, ma lâcheté…maintenant ça va mieux, non..non, pas mieux par apport au Liban mais plutôt par apport a moi-même, et ma lâcheté.

Quelques posts qui m'ont touche:

SI J ETAIS......du citoyen Hmida

To Lebanon With Love de Foulla.

Et j'ai aussi aimé la sincérité de la Marocaine au caire

One more day, does it still matter?

Is it the 20th day? Or does it really matter, people are dying, and that is what should matter.
Some wrote saying that they feel useless. Well, at least we have the right to say such things as being useless, but how about The UN…yes the great UN that is suppose to bring the peace back to the regions that are in need of it. How about this organization that is watching with a great Indignation (so they say) Lebanon being decimated, children killed…

And we are still watching, do we still care?

Mon incapacité me tue

J'ai les larmes aux yeux je ne sais quoi dire…c'est horrible!
Selon quelle logique opèrent ces gens, ces ogres devrais-je dire, parce que seul un monstre dépourvu de cœur et de conscience peut commettre de telles atrocités.
Ahhh! Que c'est douloureux quand on est incapable de changer les choses, de corriger l'injustice.
Dieu que ça fait mal de voire des enfants souffrir pour des conneries, pour l'égoïsme des grands.

Les mots m'échappent, j'étouffe…Ya rabi loutfak.